Sigh~

Again... Few drop of my tears. What can I say if I trully love him and cannot get over him. God please show me Your mercy! All I want is to forget everything about us. I just want to rip away all those pain that still bothering me for a very long time. It's been a month that I show my pain with all those fake smile. WHY??? I almost 'kill' myself with those perfect fake smile. No one knows hows it's going. Some says that I'm just a perfect liar with sweet talks. Now I wonder some of the guys out there still hoping to be the best for me and I'm so sorry, my pain taught me to be more careful and do not give them your heart as easy as you did before. I might break your heart but for sure I never meant to, it's for good so you don't get hurt by me in the future. I wrote this because I suddenly saw my crystal clear when I saw old pictures of Dexter and me.

Last Day of Examination

I don't know what to say :) yesterday was our last examination day and on that day I went talked to my friends.. I mean my classmates. Ohhh how I missed them all these times. And sure I would like to thank God cause He hear my prayers to be with them again, gather and laughing in any way especially with my bestie Serpientie. I missed her so damn much! I carry myself out from school with little happiness tears *I wonder how could it be maybe with too much excited feelings*
     On 11 am suddenly I got message from Serpientie. She asked me to join them window shopping and movie'ing watching twilight. But I sat next to Fennylia while we go for movie ^_^ after we finished our movie we go to kbox *karaoke'ing* hahaha.. Well, Serp still holding me like the last time she holds me a month ago.. She still give me her most beautiful smile when I first met her in the car yesterday. She talks to me like nothing goes wrong between us. And most important thing is I really wanna say Thank You God because You heard my prayers! Here is some picture of us yesterday.. I'm so excited and I don't know what to say/add in this box :) but may you enjoy the pictures..

#awhhh forgot! picture maybe added on tis evening! wait for it

Lots Of Love ~Ana~

The Thing

Hey blogie ^_^ I just want to show you our conversation on facebook and skype. I put it here so it'll remains as memories..
Huh.. I just back from school.. Today is our big day. STPM yo! See you in next post..hehe.. Nothing much to say about STPM..

Hmm

Still I can't go to bed early! HUH!!! Too many things spinning inside my head and the thing is I DON'T KNOW WHAT -_- God.. Tomorrow we'll sit for our final exam. First paper supposed to be Pengajian Am paper 2 also known as General Knowledge paper 2 *am I right?* :D haha.
p/s wish I could go to sleep afterward. I need enough energy for tomorrow *last preparation* hoho~ Goodnight Blogie ^_^

to be continued

Tears run down my face when I'm watching this video :') huh! I keep wondering what will happen next. I'll catch up! :D

Hmm

I had nothing much to say, skies always crying like my heart that always cried for someone that I loved. Sigh. As I woke up this morning, I go checking on my phone whether there are any messages from Jourdan. Recently, I think too much about him and can't even focus on my study (my final exam falls on 19th Nov) but still I can't get over him. God have mercy on this! I misses that someone who used to call me Pig or Piggy so damn much :'( Yesterday I'd tried to create some conversation with him but seems like it's not working at all. It's totally ruined and I don't know who should be blame on this. Maybe this what we call DESTINY.. We can't always be with someone we love but maybe on our next life you'll be with him *perhaps* .

Lucky Day Or What?

Hmmm... I don't really know what to say actually. Today I got a big surprised. First was happened in the midnight (00.00) Jourdan Ghee sent me message which he said: Do you realize that we didn't really got together? Do you know why are we separated? Do you realize it was just because of a question 'IF'? And you put yourself in such unnecessary pain.~ Jourdan, I wish you still here for me. I keep thinking of you! Why don't you reply my message? I hope to see you soon (I mean on skype) I really need you.. DESPRATELY NEED YOU! Please don't be too cold with me.

Next! I got a missed call from my ex Dexter (14.42)! I don't know why he leave me a missed call but maybe he suddenly call to the wrong number. My heart skipped a beat! I can feel there still a pain. I sent him message but til now he did not reply *well I guess he's really get into a wrong number* I talked to myself ~what a stupid guy that still disturbing my life, is he try to begging me? HAHA what a stupid me when I fall for him for a second time to be hurted~

Then! Jackson the guy who fall in love with me was annoyed me too much! He's kinda jerk sometimes! He's forcing me to be his girlfriend HEY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND?? Go find other girl la. Why you guys must choose me as your girlfriend???? Is thiis because you guys so easily to get me then left me like my ex did to me before? WHAT THE FUCK! It's totally pissed me off.. Hmmm, Jack I'm so sorry, I can't be with you as you wished SORRY~

p/s Life getting harder than I thought!

Dream

Sigh~ I don't know what exactly I dreamt of last night. But I can remember, I saw you there. How I miss you Jourdan :'( I'm so easily to fall in love with stranger that I just met through facebook, meet me and skype.   This life isn't unfair, why cant I have you? God, seriously I'm in love with that guy. Guy who made my smile looks beautiful. He gave me no tears but only laugh and smile. He once told me forget how to cry I did. But now I forgot and totally forgot how to smile since you're gone..

p/s I just want you to know, I miss you every single day since the first time you ask me ~not to steal people heart~ :')
LOVE,
Mariana

Hmm~

Is it normal for me to fall in love again? I don't want people call it as *took someone for granted* because I'm not. Suddenly I cried, I removed him from my facebook account, I want to stay away from his life because I know someday it'll be hurt. This just the begining of love journey and I know complicated relationship and unmature relationship is waiting for me out there :( Jourdan, I do love you and I can't explain when was it come. Seriously I want you to be my man but it's totally rubbish! sigh. You are the first man that know how to make me smile, laugh again and believe there is love for me. You're an angel that God sent to this world to light up everybody's life. You're so special in your own way Jourdan.

I'd lied to you :( actually I don't have any child in my life. That Griffin I had told you is my favourite nephew (Son of my brother) I lied because I don't want you to have any feelings towards me. I lied because I care for your heart. I lied because I believe someday you'll find other beautiful girl who can love you for who you are. I do love you but I can't have you in my life. (I don't know why I'm saying this) Sorry If I make you angry, dissapointed and what ever feelings you had on that day.

I never try to get over you, I cried myself to sleep everyday, I won't take you as my rebound of the past relationship. I've told you from the start, I just want to give my heart a break but why you forced yourself to get me? :( Now you did, you left a big scar in me without any cure.

Met an old friend

For a very long time, God gave us a chance to meet again :) It was happened yesterday, I met my old friend, Maryana David. She introduced me to her beloved husband Mr John Baul (kinda perfect couple) I saw their intimacy and those making me jealous with that relationship. I hope someday I can feel that intimacy too (I mean with my husband) haha. By the way, I keep thinking of someone who made me smile whole day when we go for skype. How I missed him within these few days :'( I wonder if he still mad at me or not. My mistake! I told him not to find me or call me anymore now all I can say is REGRETED never ends. Like he said before THIS GUY TOO ADORABLE TO KEEP ISN'T IT? Yea, you're right. Once I told myself not to fall in love with you, once you told me not to steal your heart but now it's happening! Every love words I sent to him is totally true and I hate it when I can't handle it by myself :( what a failed!

p/s In the picture~ Mariana Naling and Maryana David

When I close my eyes I think of you
And the times we've had been through 
Even though we're far apart right now
I remember back when you were here with me
How you've made my world complete
But now I'm left alone
We talked about love and hope
Wishing we could start a life our own
I wish that I could live without you
 Why did you tear my heart apart
You said you'd love me from the start
All those painful things you've put me through
But I'm still loving you
I've tried to give my best to you
I don't deserve the things you do
Everything has gone to memories
I just wish I knew the truth behind the lies.

p/s its been a week since we're breaking up this relationship n i still cant get over you :')

Don't Be That Girl

Honestly, don't be that girl. That girl who goes back continuously and thinks that every time will be different. I understand you miss him, and its easier to breathe with him around. But isn't it easier to smile when he's not breaking up with you, or getting mad at you for nothing? You don't deserve to be the back up. That person he drops and picks up whenever he feels like. Don't be that girl. That girl who thinks that each time he comes around he means what he says and won't leave again, everyone knows he will. And you end up looking like a fool in the end.. again. I get that you're happier when he is texting you and cuddling with you. But aren't you happier when you aren't crying on your floor because he hasn't said a word to you all day? No one can tell you who to be. But don't be that girl. You're smarter than that girl. Stronger than that girl. And worth a hell of a lot more than that girl.

p/s My NandakGedut

Suddenly

Suddenly, you came into my world.
Suddenly, I liked you.
Suddenly, you became the greatest gift of all.

Suddenly, I fell in love with you.
Suddenly, seeing you everyday became my daily routine.
Suddenly, I need you more and more.
Suddenly, you were my everything.
Suddenly, I have so much memories with you.
Suddenly, you were irreplaceable.
Suddenly, I depended on you.
Suddenly, you meant the world to me.
Suddenly, I can't do anything without you.
Suddenly, you became an important part of my life.
Suddenly, I took you for granted.
Suddenly, you stop trying for me.
Suddenly, my world fell apart.
Suddenly, you gave me despair.
Suddenly, I feel lost without you.
Suddenly, you left me, just like that.
Suddenly, it's over.
Suddenly, I would do anything to get you back.
Suddenly, you gave me hope.
Suddenly, I was forsaken.
Suddenly, you became a memory.
Suddenly, I can't face reality.
Suddenly, you seemed like a stranger.
Suddenly, I cried.
Suddenly, you didn't care.
Suddenly, I lost all hopes.
Suddenly, you are gone.

Forever.

p/s My Gedut

All This Time

Cry.. All i can do is crying. I never meant to let you go but u forced me to do so. Seriously Im hurt *a lot because cant always let u go. I dont know why u keep playing the same record. Saya tak nak lagi menyusahkan kamu, yes! saya memang cepat cari pengganti bukan sebab rebound my past tapi saya nak buktikan kat awak yang saya dah pun jumpa yang terbaik dari awak.. Kalau dulu awak tidak pernah faham apa yang saya rasa, nanti awak akan rasa sebab sekarang awak mungkin ketawa.. Everytime I entered this blog room feels like you're still here with me. But it just a dream that I should wake up to reality..

Hai :P

Heeeyyyaaaahhh!!Pororo da??! lama xupdate blog nie ;) how was it?haha,,facebook makin boring -.- nahhh sekarang beralih pula ke blog.. Wahhh,baru tadi dapat add lagu dalam blog,canggih tak? -.- orang dari dulu dah add,,hahaha.. Anyway,esok sekolah..just dropped myself here by saying 'Hi I'm back ^^v ' esok lusa adala topik..sekarang mata dah ngantok sangat..nak tido lagi lepas nie :) gunite blogie

Broken Hearted

Ermmm.. 4 days its not a short time for me, he's changed.. He's no longer someone that I've knew as my man-friend after all this time.. I thought all is well but I'm so wrong :'( I MISS HIM!! Why don't he understand me? I just nee his attention but I know I can't have it.. Not anymore. He never care for me, never talk to me about something fun, never try to understand me like he did before.. He said ' ingat b syg nya k..gado2 biasa tu, marah2 biasa tu. but the fact is, i love you syg, you just study hard, jgn curang, jujur and please love me back. hehe cute awak. ntah bila gk kita dpt plok ny rapat2 n whisper kat telinganya 'i loveu!' miss u syg. jaga diri utk b k.. ingat yg org ctok syg kt nya' :'( I miss u more than u miss me.. sy syg kmu,,please..

Haiyeee Blogie :) haven't check u in a while, lot of works to do.. Well, I'm still sitting on exam besides updating u :D owwwhh.. So many things happened during these few months.. Between me n Blaise, my friends neither my admirer :).. Actually, whenever I got time to update more post on u, I'll tell u everything what was on my mind.. I gotta go now Blogie, I need to continue my revision and I promise that after examination complete, you'll be my priority

p/s I Love Blaise

Naaaaa...

Naaaa..Hahaha.. Used to be our secret code after all :) It has been a while after my last update..kekeke.. Miss me huh? aduhhhh.. Blog, actually me and Bulat just argue about something.. I don't know why and I can't understand why I have to do this :'( Thank be to God because he didn't do anything stupid like I did.. huhuuhhhuu :'( Feels regreted in myself, felt guilty because saying those bullshit words.. I really loved him n always love hin n the most important thing is I don't want to lose him :( please don't take him away from me yet I still love him.. I swear I won't do that anymore..

p/s I Love You Blaise Lawai Gau :)

Within These Few Days

Yeahhh.. That's it, within these few days we're seems so happy :) what a wonderful day.. But something I didn't realize so much more.. *Bie* what is this??. :'/  actually bulat, can I just call you u B? errmmm, nevermind if u don't agree :') Whenever you call me sayang I am confuse whether to use word Bulat or Kamu OR B  >.<'' so far I haven't got a clue from you for letting me to call u Bie.. Yes, I love you because I LOVE YOU got it? I just want u to know one little thing : I want u to be a part of my life someday.. I want to love you and you love me too.. I want to have u from now and for always and for sure I want to be your special someone :/ can I?? could u please do me a favor? Please don't hurt me anymore, just stop my tears.. Will you?

p/s I Love U for better for worst

New Relationship ~H.A.V.E F.A.I.T.H~

Wahhhh... Thanks be to God sebab segalanya berjalan dengan lancar :) At last we deal to start something new with our relationship.. I love him and I hate when we're argue with each other everyday -.-' jerrrkkkk.. Hahaha.. Anyway, I love u for everything no matter how hurt it is :D because it was the way and the best way to love U... Like u said yesterday,we need sincerity, love, faith and hope in our relationship because without these important things we couldn't work it out.. I trusted you to lead me into the right way to create our new journey and to make sure that the past relationship wouldn't be repeat by us :) because we learnt from past and not to forget what past did to us. Just to remind us it shouldn't be repeated.. I love you with sincerity, miss u with faith and want you with hope.. Ingat syg for what you've been saying last night ''there's no other except you and don't be scarebecause I will always love you''

p/s I love you more Blaise Lawai Gau :)

Bulat ??

Damn.. I'm tired of waiting for you.. Where have you been? Haven't reply my texts.. I hate you for being so selfish!! >.<'' don't you ever think of me or just being so selfishly?? Darn it!!! I always try to be the best for us, for our relationship but this what I get from you????? Your RUDENESS! I hate to be the person that I couldn't be =,='' and I'm not a clown +.+ that u can fooled me SESUKA HATI YOU :'( I'm human, Your girlfriend bhaaaa.. I love you as well but You just give me this BULLSHIT since our last meeting.. Kalau suka cakap la suka, jangan buat orang tunggu2.. Saya letih tau tak??

McDonald Time!!! ^___^

Yeeeehhhaaa!!! At last my sista take me to McDonald n my the first menu is DOUBLE CHEESE BURGER...hahahahahahahaaaa...  and I'm Lovin It  =9

Damn Gorgeous with Big Mac n Double Cheese Burger
hahahahaaaa...*evil laugh

Happy Birthday Momma

We loves you mom!!!

Momma n Bboy

Momma n Dadda  \^___^/

Thanks mom for everything you've done.. Happy birthday and may God blessed you.. We loves you momma

Dusssshhh ~Forgot Him Already~

Haiyaaaaa... How come oooo?? I forgot to say 'happyholiday' to someone??? Adeehhhh.. Dahla tunggu masa dia masuk kelas,, then he keep his eyes on me all the time :)  comel apa.. Dussshhhh!!! 1 minggu tak jumpa nanti.. I've heard about your vacation bha,to Phuket Thailand. With your girl.. Hope you can take care of yourself there :| gonna miss you.. See you after school holiday

p/s ThankYou for the bestest day :)

Day Without You

Yahhhh... Boring saya takda kamu :'( bulaaaaattttt... Really missed you bhaaa.. Please be at home after holiday bha.. Nak jumpa kamu >.<'' .. This is the most jerk day without you,, Bulat,,wish you were here to be by my side and hold mi tight in your arms like our first Christmas Eve meeting :') we're stayed out because you're too jealous with me and my friends.. You rather to stay all night with me.. Let me sleep in your arms and enjoy some peaceful night :)  Thanks bulat bha.. ILOVEYOUSOMUCH.. Thanks for be a part of my life.. Tunggu kita jumpa la kita pelok dia kuat-kuat.. My love to you wouldn't change though bulat makin hitam sebab kerja berat under sunlight :D ILOVEYOUMORE bha :D