The Thing

Hey blogie ^_^ I just want to show you our conversation on facebook and skype. I put it here so it'll remains as memories..
Huh.. I just back from school.. Today is our big day. STPM yo! See you in next post..hehe.. Nothing much to say about STPM..

Hmm

Still I can't go to bed early! HUH!!! Too many things spinning inside my head and the thing is I DON'T KNOW WHAT -_- God.. Tomorrow we'll sit for our final exam. First paper supposed to be Pengajian Am paper 2 also known as General Knowledge paper 2 *am I right?* :D haha.
p/s wish I could go to sleep afterward. I need enough energy for tomorrow *last preparation* hoho~ Goodnight Blogie ^_^

to be continued

Tears run down my face when I'm watching this video :') huh! I keep wondering what will happen next. I'll catch up! :D

Hmm

I had nothing much to say, skies always crying like my heart that always cried for someone that I loved. Sigh. As I woke up this morning, I go checking on my phone whether there are any messages from Jourdan. Recently, I think too much about him and can't even focus on my study (my final exam falls on 19th Nov) but still I can't get over him. God have mercy on this! I misses that someone who used to call me Pig or Piggy so damn much :'( Yesterday I'd tried to create some conversation with him but seems like it's not working at all. It's totally ruined and I don't know who should be blame on this. Maybe this what we call DESTINY.. We can't always be with someone we love but maybe on our next life you'll be with him *perhaps* .

Lucky Day Or What?

Hmmm... I don't really know what to say actually. Today I got a big surprised. First was happened in the midnight (00.00) Jourdan Ghee sent me message which he said: Do you realize that we didn't really got together? Do you know why are we separated? Do you realize it was just because of a question 'IF'? And you put yourself in such unnecessary pain.~ Jourdan, I wish you still here for me. I keep thinking of you! Why don't you reply my message? I hope to see you soon (I mean on skype) I really need you.. DESPRATELY NEED YOU! Please don't be too cold with me.

Next! I got a missed call from my ex Dexter (14.42)! I don't know why he leave me a missed call but maybe he suddenly call to the wrong number. My heart skipped a beat! I can feel there still a pain. I sent him message but til now he did not reply *well I guess he's really get into a wrong number* I talked to myself ~what a stupid guy that still disturbing my life, is he try to begging me? HAHA what a stupid me when I fall for him for a second time to be hurted~

Then! Jackson the guy who fall in love with me was annoyed me too much! He's kinda jerk sometimes! He's forcing me to be his girlfriend HEY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND?? Go find other girl la. Why you guys must choose me as your girlfriend???? Is thiis because you guys so easily to get me then left me like my ex did to me before? WHAT THE FUCK! It's totally pissed me off.. Hmmm, Jack I'm so sorry, I can't be with you as you wished SORRY~

p/s Life getting harder than I thought!

Dream

Sigh~ I don't know what exactly I dreamt of last night. But I can remember, I saw you there. How I miss you Jourdan :'( I'm so easily to fall in love with stranger that I just met through facebook, meet me and skype.   This life isn't unfair, why cant I have you? God, seriously I'm in love with that guy. Guy who made my smile looks beautiful. He gave me no tears but only laugh and smile. He once told me forget how to cry I did. But now I forgot and totally forgot how to smile since you're gone..

p/s I just want you to know, I miss you every single day since the first time you ask me ~not to steal people heart~ :')
LOVE,
Mariana

Hmm~

Is it normal for me to fall in love again? I don't want people call it as *took someone for granted* because I'm not. Suddenly I cried, I removed him from my facebook account, I want to stay away from his life because I know someday it'll be hurt. This just the begining of love journey and I know complicated relationship and unmature relationship is waiting for me out there :( Jourdan, I do love you and I can't explain when was it come. Seriously I want you to be my man but it's totally rubbish! sigh. You are the first man that know how to make me smile, laugh again and believe there is love for me. You're an angel that God sent to this world to light up everybody's life. You're so special in your own way Jourdan.

I'd lied to you :( actually I don't have any child in my life. That Griffin I had told you is my favourite nephew (Son of my brother) I lied because I don't want you to have any feelings towards me. I lied because I care for your heart. I lied because I believe someday you'll find other beautiful girl who can love you for who you are. I do love you but I can't have you in my life. (I don't know why I'm saying this) Sorry If I make you angry, dissapointed and what ever feelings you had on that day.

I never try to get over you, I cried myself to sleep everyday, I won't take you as my rebound of the past relationship. I've told you from the start, I just want to give my heart a break but why you forced yourself to get me? :( Now you did, you left a big scar in me without any cure.

Met an old friend

For a very long time, God gave us a chance to meet again :) It was happened yesterday, I met my old friend, Maryana David. She introduced me to her beloved husband Mr John Baul (kinda perfect couple) I saw their intimacy and those making me jealous with that relationship. I hope someday I can feel that intimacy too (I mean with my husband) haha. By the way, I keep thinking of someone who made me smile whole day when we go for skype. How I missed him within these few days :'( I wonder if he still mad at me or not. My mistake! I told him not to find me or call me anymore now all I can say is REGRETED never ends. Like he said before THIS GUY TOO ADORABLE TO KEEP ISN'T IT? Yea, you're right. Once I told myself not to fall in love with you, once you told me not to steal your heart but now it's happening! Every love words I sent to him is totally true and I hate it when I can't handle it by myself :( what a failed!

p/s In the picture~ Mariana Naling and Maryana David